Sex In Prison and Staying Safe

It is the number one question of all people that are either headed to jail or aren’t. I am going to stop you here to let you know that some of this may be graphic and the language used is not often pretty. Sex in prison may not happen to most people unless they truly want it or…

Unwanted Sex in Prison or Jail: Don’t be a victim

Some think of prison sex as rape, or consensual homosexuality. Not often the case. As a human being with needs (notice I didn’t say “man” – I’m no chauvinist), and we all have them, there comes a time when we all have to find our special “release”. If you have found it with someone else, so be it, good for you. But, please wash your hands or brush your teeth afterwards.

You could always tell who was playing “catch” when inside. Either you heard about it, or, because of such close quarters at times, could smell it. Not pleasant.

Often you would see someone who was turned out – quite the sight. I think we all have a bit of homosexuality inside of us (have never had it in me :). You would normally see the remnants of Kool Aid lipstick on a mans face and I would have to chuckle with my inside voice and try not to stare. There were those who were bigger and badder who would say shit out loud, again, the inside laughter. The kind that makes your eyes water – and makes your face feel like its going to explode.

Then there are the times when you know a fellow prisoner has been raped. Its in the faces of these guys. The black eyes and swollen faces are a dead giveaway, but when they aren’t beaten its the look in their eyes. Soul-less, far off look. Who are you going to tell? Either they had a gambling debt or had put themselves up on a pedestal trying to prove how bad-ass they were.

Did you catch that? Gambling debt. You can gamble in prison but be prepared to lose – you can’t win 100% of the time and any good gambler will tell you there is a time to quit. Some people juts can’t quit. I have seen the game before; reeling in a person to what looks like a harmless game of Texas Hold’em (getting very big inside now). If you don’t have the money to cover your debt, you may be slinging a little ass. If at first you don’t pay your debt you may get a quick beating.

The second time you miss your payment, you may not get a beating, you may be propositioned that in order to “not” get a beating, and in lieu of partial payment, that sexual favors may be placed on the one you owe. Here is the tricky part: of paying it forward with your body:

  • If you succumb, you had better do it once and then go to PC – because once the other inmates find out you may now be fair game.
  • If you don’t succumb you will get quite the beating – dependent on the person you owe and how much time they are looking at you may even be killed.

Rape in Prison: PREA

I consider an act of having to succumb to sex as rape. When it is not consensual between two parties, it is rape. Go inform your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend or other right now that they will have to have sex with you or you will beat the crap out of them. Did they say “No”? Did you get punched in the head? Then you said it right.

It does occur in prison. It also occurs on the outside more often. But it occurs.

So we have figured out that gambling debts, drug debts or any other debts may get you beat up or raped. Remember rape is about control – not always about sex. It also depends on how some perceive it. You have to consider that there are ways to be safe in prison and maintain your dignity and rights.

The other thing I have seen is the guy who comes in looking like a bad-ass but can’t back it up. These guys offend the population and typically don’t make it very long. To prove a point, 4 or 5 guys will hold him down while the only one who can get an erection will violate him.

Its true, not all guys can get an erection when it comes to having sex with another man. One morning at the chow hall, me and this guy were talking nonsense and he told me he couldn’t get hard in front of a man. I of course pretended I didn’t hear it and I didn’t make a joke of it. But, he did say that back in his cell with pictures of women, he could have cut diamonds.

Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA)

The Prison Rape Elimination Act of 2003 is a law meant to quell the sexual assault of inmates in all prisons and jails (Federal, State and County.) This doesn’t often work. It’s hard for legislation or rules to stop a human being get what they want. Just remember there is safety in numbers. Be sure you’re paired up or with a group of people you trust.

I hope this has helped, if it hasn’t please download my book, survive prison rape for further information.

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